My Heart will always remember
by Osanai Yume
Summary: Oneshot Previewing my story 'The tale of a usagi and a toumaru' LaviXOC Please enjoy! Review are appreciated!


**My Heart will always remember**

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**Lavi**

* * *

"Please Arielle… please wake up…" I whispered as I squeezed her hand a little tighter. Her still figure didn't respond. The way she looked laying on this hospital bed… it looked like she… I looked down in despair and shut my eyes tight to keep the tears in my eyes from excaping

'_I'm a Bookman apprentice… I'm not supposed to feel this way about her, but… but…' _I sighed deeply and drew random invisible patterns on the back of her hand with my thumb. _'She told me Bookmen could never lock away their human nature… so it's only natural to feel this way, right?'_

I could imagine it… the last smile she gave me… last smile…

Flashback

"Lavi… it doesn't hurt that much…" she said with a gentle smile.

I weakly smiled back at her as I wiped blood… her blood, off her cheek. I looked down at the gaping hole in her stomach as it oozed out more of the sticky red substance that kept her alive. My hand trembled in anger, sadness, and… guilt.

"Why did you do that? I could've taken the blow… you're already injured as is… " Her eyes soften as she reached up a caressed my cheek lightly. I let my bangs cover my watery eyes as I clasped my hand over hers so it wouldn't leave my cheek. In return she gave me another warm and gentle smile. Like all the other smiles I didn't deserve from her.

"Lavi… I'm not gonna die so don't..." her eyes started closing, "don't worry… " Her chest heaved a bit for more air as her mouth slowly started to move "Hey… Thanks Lavi… thank you… for… every…" suddenly her hand fell limp in mine and her eyes closed completely.

"Arielle!"

* * *

End Flashback

* * *

'_It's only natural for me to love her right?'_

"Mmm…" I opened my eyes and instantly jerked my head up. My grip on her hand slackened as well did my jaw. There… there right before me… her hazel eyes locked with mines with a dazed look. She shifted a bit and I snapped back into gear.

"I'll be right back…" I said gently. She looked at me slightly confused, but said nothing.

I quickly ran out the door and found a nurse to call Komui and the Head Nurse. I went back to her room and found her struggling to sit up. I instantly went to her side and helped her up.

"Arielle…" she looked up at me, "you're finally awake…" I trailed of as I gently encased her in a hug. Her body stiffened in my grip, not that I minded I mean come on… she's probably sore from just waking up from a 3 week long coma…

Oh I don't care if she can't hug me back right now… All I care about is her being here right now… alive and awake in my arms…

"…A-arielle?" her hoarse voice questioned. I blinked and a leaned back a bit to look at her questioned filled face. "Wh-who's that… Who… are you?"

My heart instantly sank and I froze.

* * *

_Narrator_

* * *

_A lone teenage girl walked the halls of the Black Order. Her messy raven hair swayed around her shoulders with each step. The streak of red hair that contoured the left side of her face was tucked behind her ear. Her fringe swayed slightly with every step she took. Her pale red lips formed a straight line giving her an impassive expression. Her pale skin glowed in contrast to her black pajamas. Her gold eyes were glued to the book she was reading. The light pitter patter of her slippers making contact with the ground was the only noise that could be heard… seeing as it was 2:30 in the morning and most were either asleep, on a mission, or the poor over-worked science department…_

_Meanwhile a fiery-red haired boy coming down from another hallway seemed to be searching for something… or one._

_In fact he was looking for the ravenette girl. Early when he was reporting his success on his mission he asked Komui about her whereabouts, of course when Bookman left that is. The supervisor said he saw the girl go to her room earlier that evening. When he got to her room she was missing._

_He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. His emerald eye darted from left to right hoping to find her already… he was getting tired and wanted nothing more to just lay down on his bed…_

_He turned left on a corner then…_

_*Bam!*_

_He stumbled upon the missing girl… quite literally. _

"_Ugh…" the ravenette groaned as her vision came back to her. She found herself on the floor… in a REALLY awkward position… that included the Bookman apprentice. Their legs were entangled and their bodies were pressed together a bit too close for the ravenette's comfort. The male's face was buried in the girl's shoulder… and well… he accidentally wounded up pinning the girl's arms above her head. _

_The ravenette's face burned scarlet from the sudden close contact and eyes widen a considerable amount. Her mind went blank and she found it hard to speak for a second. _

"_L-Lavi?" the red head looked up and grinned at the person he fell on. _

"_I found you Arielle and you're not wearing your glasses again!" Lavi said nonchalantly not at all bothered by their position. Heck… he was enjoying it… but he wasn't about to tell her because… that would only earn him a well deserved smack in the head._

_Arielle looked at him incredulously "… Well I wasn't aware I was missing… and I didn't feel like wearing them…" she mumbled under her breath. Her blush died down, but there was still a pink tinge on her cheeks. _

_Of course Arielle knew Lavi would do something like this. Ever since she came to the Black Order Lavi made it a habit to check up on her when he came back from missions… but what she wasn't aware of is that he sometimes did it in the middle of the night… Actually the Bookman-in-training made it a habit to always check up on Arielle at night when he was in the Order. Not that either noticed anyways._

_Arielle; being asleep; was never conscious for his night time visits. Lavi on the other hand… he never meant for his visits to be habitual. At first he would just check up on her whenever he heard her cry because he didn't want a repeat of what happened the first time… _

* * *

… **But that's another story to be told when deemed appropriate…**

* * *

_So as time went on… Lavi's visit went from being brief and once and awhile to him going practically every night he could get the chance to and absentmindedly watch Arielle's serene expression while she slept…_

* * *

… **Hehehe he's such a creeper…**

* * *

_Lavi chuckled at her remark and got off her. He held a hand out to Arielle. Said girl in turn sat up and looked at his hand with uncertainty. _

_Lavi grinned at her expression "Come on Arielle! Just take my hand! It's not gonna bite." He teased. _

_Arielle stared up at him with a tiny almost invisible smile. She reached up placing her soft hand in Lavi's own slightly calloused hand. Lavi grasped it and hauled her up effortlessly. Arielle brushed the dirt of her sleeping attire. _

_Lavi spotted a book on the ground not too far away from him. A he sauntered over to the book in a laidback manner as if the… events… that took place just moments ago never happened. He picked it up and looked at the cover._

"_So what are you doing in the middle of the night sneaking around the Order and reading The Casket of Amontillado?" he waved the book. _

_Arielle looked at him with a blank expression "… I was… bored?" her statement was more of a question then anything. She snatched the book out of his hand and held close to her chest._

_Bookman Jr. Raised an eyebrow at her not satisfied with her answer. _

"_You were 'bored'?" Arielle looked away. An almost invisible tinge of pink lined her cheeks._

"_Well… for the most part I'm either training with Kanda, on a mission, or helping Jerry cook so this is the only time for myself… besides… I've... been having… Nightmares…" she mumbled the last part of her sentence under her breath so the Bookman couldn't hear… but sadly enough… her efforts were in vain. Lavi's eyes soften at Arielle's vulnerable state. Her usual impassive expression was replaced with a cringe of distress. Her arms held the book securely to her chest. She looked so little in this state… like a fragile porcelain doll that could break with a simple tap of the finger. _

"_Was it the same nightmare?" He asked gentle knowing that this was a touchy subject for her. She weakly nodded her head. Her eyes were glazed over with a cloudy sadness… Lavi encased her in his arms in a comforting hug without a second thought as she leaned her head on his shoulder. _

_Usually she hated showing weakness in front of others and being touched by them… but Lavi was a different case… he somehow managed to worm his way into her life in the short amount of time she's been in this world… it's been… a little less than a year? That's a rather short amount of time to get to know someone in her opinion. Already he's seen the vulnerable side of her that took years for her best friends to see. And she confined to him about her deepest darkest secrets that not even her family knew about. _

_Lavi ended up becoming her shoulder to cry on… and the one that kept her sane… even though as a Bookman he wasn't supposed to be attached to anyone… and yet… he became the one that was attached to her the most…_

_It was like that for him as well… as a Bookman it is his duty to record the history the world isn't allowed to know and not be involved with any of it… but after he came to the Order… after he met Arielle… things changed… The Deak side of him constantly nagged him to stop fraternizing with her and Bookman constantly kept a close eye on their interactions. Arielle easily saw through him like he was an open book… without even meaning to… she became the only bond that he truly cares so much about … but in the end he knew they were never meant to be… A Bookman and a girl from a different world… a terrible mix that fate just had to throw in their lives… _

"_Hey Arielle…" said girl looked up at the Red head. She refused to let tears slip out of her eyes, but that didn't mean her eyes couldn't be a bit watery. She remained silent as she waited for Lavi to speak._

"_I want to show you something!" He suddenly grasped her hand and dragged her with him. Arielle blinked in surprise as she had to jog a bit so she wouldn't be dragged… that much._

"_W-wait a minute Lavi! Where are we going?" She asked as they climbed up some flights of stairs. _

"_You'll see!" He replied slyly which made Arielle feel just a tad bit uneasy… just a tad…_

* * *

"_TADA~!" Lavi opened the door to the 'roof' of the Black Order's building. He led her out in the open so she could see the city light below them. Arielle's eyes sparkled in awe once she saw the scenery before her._

"_Wow Lavi… it's absolutely breath-taking!" She ran to the ledge and leaned on the railing to get a better view of the beautiful lights of Paris. _

_Breath-taking huh? Lavi was bemused by her words. He shook his head and grinned as Arielle slightly leaned over the railing to get a better view of the city lights. 'What a simple girl'_

_After awhile of taking in the beautiful scenery they settled for sitting down and just talking well… Lavi talking about his mission while Arielle listened. _

"_Must you always hit on every pretty girl you see?" she asked with an exasperated sigh as he talked about another pretty girl he saw and attempted to hit on._

"_Why, you jealous?" He gave her a sly grin, which earned him a slap on the arm._

"_I'm not you dummy…" Lavi chuckled as she humphed and turned away from him to once again take up the scenery before them._

_There was a long moment of silence before Arielle asked something that caught the Bookman in training off guard, "Hey Lavi… would it be selfish of me to want to forget everything that's happen to me? Forget my very existence so that everything I've experienced could just… feel like a dream?_

_Lavi's eye(s) widen and he whipped his head to stare at the girl who was still dazed as she stared at the lights._

"_Why would you want that?" didn't even acknowledge her initial question. Arielle sighed and her tight lined lips changed into a bitter smile. _

"_Then I wouldn't have experienced all the things that hurt…" she sighed and laid down so she could face the night sky. "Having parent that could care less about my existence since I'm not really theirs… coming home to see the only person who truly cared for me… dead… dying myself and coming back to like to only witness more death… having to see those souls in so much pain… I just… I just wish I could forget all of it."_

_Lavi couldn't help but voice out the one thought that's been egging his mind since she asked her first question, "So you want to forget about us? The Black Order? Lenalee, Komui, the science department, Jerry, Kanda... Me?" _

"… _No…" Arielle brought the back of her hand to her eyes to shield them from Lavi's stare. "I could never forget any of you… if my mind ever forgets… my heart will always remember because I love you all too much." _

_Lavi blinked, "Your heart will remember? That doesn't make any sense."_

"_It makes perfect sense." Arielle sat up and puffed her cheeks. Lavi laughed, amused as he put his chin on his hand. _

"_Care to elaborate?" _

"_Well…" she thought for a moment before she snapped her fingers and looked at him with a smile. "Our minds only remember small details about the things around us. Like the day an important event took place, the smell of a certain thing, the color of someone's eyes…" She made eye contact with Lavi for a brief moment before looking away embarrassed. She put a hand over her heart and closed her eyes with a soft smile claiming her face._

"_But… our heart remembers the feelings we had… the sadness felt because of that day… the nostalgic feeling from the uncanny smell… the way your heart feels when your eyes lock with that familiar emera-" Arielle suddenly stopped herself with a blush. She opened her eyes and stared at Lavi with a cautious gaze before she went on "Well… you get the point right? I'll always remember the feelings I've had for all of you. I might forget your names and faces, but in my heart I'll always remember you guys… and the way you make me feel."_

_Lavi couldn't help, but stare at her in admiration. As naïve as her explanation sounded, it was a nice thought…_

"… _I don't think you're selfish Arielle… you just need to rely on us more… no matter what pain you go through… we're here for you." For Lavi… this was the only way he could ever tell her his underlying feelings… because he was already pushing his boundaries as a Bookman. _

_For Arielle… it was enough. She latched herself onto Lavi's shirt as she cried tears of relief and happiness. A chuckle escaped from the redhead as he hugged her back and rubbed her back, letting her cry in his arms… because… this truly was enough for him…_

* * *

Lavi

* * *

"It seems from all the injuries she sustained and the excessive amounts of blood she lost… blood was unable to pump into certain parts of her brain as her body deemed them unnecessary for survival during her recovery." Chief Komui explained to the current occupants of the infirmary.

"What does that mean brother?" Lenalee held the girl's hand and gave her a gentle smile. Arielle responded with an unsure smile of her own.

He sighed and pushed up his glasses as he looked at Arielle with a serious expression. She in turn looked back at him with a puzzled look on her face. "She has acquired retrograde amnesia."

Everyone had their own mix of emotions about her current situation. They didn't know how to feel about their comrade… their friend… their sister… forgetting them… they've experienced the death of a friend at one point in their life… but to have a comrade forget everything… it was something new… it was like the girl they had known died and yet here she breathing before them. It was hard to grasp.

They probably don't understand how I fell right about now though…

"Che…" Kanda, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, finally cut the tension with his own sharp words. "So the nezumi (mouse) can't remember anything then."

Komui nodded with a solemn expression on his face. My hands balled into fists on my knees.

"Chief Komui how long will it last?" Reever asked as I watched the Head Nurse instruct her to keep her mouth close while she took her temperature.

"The effects of this amnesia may take awhile to ware off if her body starts pumping blood properly again or…"

"Or what?" I looked Komui dead straight into the eyes which caused him to pause before answering my question.

"She may completely forget everything, with no chance of ever regaining those memories again…"

I stood up and walked out of the room. I heard Lenalee call my name sadly.

"Who was that?" My knuckles turned white from clenching my fist too hard after hearing that come out of _her _mouth.

I managed to get to the end of the hall when I encountered Bookman giving me that solemn stare he always gives me when he talks about Bookmen duties.

"Lavi…" He sighed and shook his head. "I understand girl's condition has put you at odds, but you're a Bookman. Don't forget your place here. We-"

"We became exorcists by chance only for the sake of recording history…" I cut him off since I practically know his lecture by heart already. I looked towards the direction where Arielle's infirmary room was then sighed as I continued walking, leaving Bookman to stand in the hallway by himself. "I know Panda… you don't have to keep tell me."

* * *

Narrator

* * *

Lavi kept his brisk pace as he walked along the hallways of The Black Order. No one dared stopped him since talk of Arielle's situation has already started floating around the halls of the Order. Unconsciously his feet brought him to face Arielle's room. He looked at the door for a moment before his white fist knocked against it in anger. He humphed as he leaned his head against the ebony door.

"We're bookman… we can't love…" He clutched the fabric in front of were his pained heart palpitated with a heavy tune

"Because in the end it hurts us just like any normal human…"


End file.
